Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
