Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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