I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
