If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
