I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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