at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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