Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
