hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want nice things and good sex
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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