i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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