At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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