MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
