the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
