why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
