Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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