I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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