my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
