So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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