Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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