How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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