weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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