i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
