DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
