Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
