his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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