We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
