We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
