Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
