I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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