Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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