i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
