im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
smell my finger.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
