goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
