I think I died a long time ago.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
