apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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