cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
