i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
