Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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