He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
