I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
