That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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