you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
