i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
