But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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