hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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