Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
