I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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