What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
