Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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