We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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