I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
