umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
