I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
