you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
