he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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