I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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