She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
