I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
