I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
