I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
