Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
