i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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